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  • Sue Dawkes

A Year Older; but Wiser?

It is over a year since I wrote my first blog in lockdown. As we come out of our third lockdown and I walk in the hills surrounding me it seems nothing has changed, in creation that is. The birds are nesting once more, (I even have robins nesting in my hose reel on the wall!), the spring flowers are swaying in the wind, the lambs are leaping and I am a year older! I find it easy to talk and relate to Him when I'm walking in nature. Last year I felt a distinct sense of the whole Triune God with me and the connection between myself and the whole of creation. I also felt Father saying that there was going to be a stirring, not a shaking as some people have said, but a stirring of our hearts of things to come, "All around we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But its not only around us; it's within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We're also feeling the birth pangs" Romans 8:22-25 The Message Translation.


But.... am I wiser? Have I used this time as I said I would to grow closer to my Father? Have I included Him in my daily life and been a daughter to Him rather than a servant? Do I always go to Him first when things get tough? I have to admit that I often feel in times when things are going wrong that God is far too busy or uninterested in my problems, and earthly matters need earthly solutions so I blunder in to try and sort things out myself. During the first lockdown I ended up taking a company to the small claims court because they had scammed me out of money. The process went on until August with two court sessions on the phone with the other side employing a London barrister. The next step was to be going to "trial" but in the 23rd hour they backed down and settled out of court. Just before the second court phone call a friend, who lives in Africa and knew nothing of my situation, messaged me out of the blue and asked if I was feeling peace. I replied "NO!" and outlined the situation to him. He suggested I write down everything the Father is and everything I am to Him. I did it on stick-it notes and put them all round the kitchen and immediately had peace and confidence all through the phone call. It was then that I realised just how much the Father is interested in my whole life. Why do I constantly need reminding! Not long after that situation I found myself in another legal battle. the tenants of a shop, my husband left me in his will, decided not to renew their lease and also demanded a huge amount of money from me for a very small extension they had built on the back of the shop. The rent was my main income and as they had paid 3 months rent in advance that income stopped almost immediately and I didn't think I would be able to sell or rent the shop during the pandemic. Although worried, I did trust Father with things this time and He helped me to hold those material things lightly, I could always buy a smaller house or live in my camper van if necessary! Again at the last hour the tenants accepted a much lower offer which I was able to borrow, and in the same week I managed to sell the shop! The money isn't in the bank yet but we're nearly there.... Sometimes you just have to let go, something I'm gradually learning.


The reason for telling you this: it is possible to have peace in all situations if we trust in our heavenly Father and see things from His greater perspective. I blogged last year, before Coronavirus, Father had already said he wanted me to stay at home this year and I believe it was because he knew what was coming and I couldn't have coped with all of this had I been travelling. I know I haven't spent enough "just being" time with my Father but more and more I have been recognising His omnipresence in all that I do. And I have been hearing from others that they are aware of this too. I do believe this year the Triune God is opening our eyes that we may see. Eric de Kruik told us about a vision he had where he was stood with the Father but there was a brick wall which he couldn't see over until the Father lifted him up and sat him on it so he could see what the Father saw. Personally I am much more aware of there being a supernatural realm here on earth. His Kingdom is here and He wants us to access it. Our Father is a supernatural being and we are created in His likeness. When He said that He didn't mean we look humanly physically like Him. Of course not! We all have our own unique and beautiful form. What He meant was we are born with His character and spirit. When we leave this earth we wont take our bodies with us (thank goodness some may say!) but we will take our spirit and I believe we have access to our spiritual side now in a way that we can see what the Father sees and truly walk with Him as Sons and Daughters as Adam did in the garden. I still don't know how we get to that point but I have always believed that we are born with a knowledge and love of God, He created us in our mother's womb, so it seems obvious to me that we would "know" Him. "The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children" Romans 8:16 NIV Translation. I wasn't brought up in a Christian home but I distinctly remember, (and I remember very little of my childhood), as a very small child having conversations with someone, particularly if I was distressed, I now believe was Jesus. And when I say "conversation" I believe I got a reply, not verbally but in my spirit or heart, I always felt comforted. So I do think the key is having a childlike heart, to go back to the closeness I felt to Jesus as a young child. I truly believe, as a child, we have full access to our spiritual side. I know this is taught in Fatherheart Ministries but sometimes hard to attain in this "grown up" world we're supposed to live in. The most childlike person I know is Barry Adams who spoke on my last zoom. I asked him to speak about Joy, as I knew he'd been through some tough times but always seems to have a playfulness and joy about him. He would be the first person to say he isn't "there" yet but he certainly looks like his Father's son to me.


I am having a little break from organising Zoom meetings to try and explore this more with my Father. My coping mechanism is to keep busy and as much as I have adored the meetings and seeing friends, old and new, it has been time consuming. We have had some amazing speakers giving us much to discuss and think about. I will start again as people have indicated they would like me to and maybe you can use this time to "be still" and "taste and see" which, apparently, means drink deeply in Hebrew. I would be really interested to hear what Father has been revealing to you when we start back or even after you have read this. All I know is there's an excitement in my spirit and a longing in my heart for all that our Trinitarian God has for us. Meanwhile I shall continue pondering......


"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit" 2 Corinthians: 3: 17,18






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